Entropy...The Story of our Life

Woke up late today...My alarm must have gone off, but I don't remember it ringing. I got out of bed at about the time I usually leave for work. Didn't shower. Didn't do my meditation. Didn't eat breakfast or drink coffee. I got to the office later than usual, but no one was here to really notice. I was going to go to the gym during lunch because Will and I are planning on going to see a movie tonight, but Will's car is in the shop and he needed to take my car to run errands. Work is crazy, and my co-worker is out on vacation for the week, so I'm picking up some of the slack. Will and I still haven't heard about the house that we put a bid on 2 months ago. I turned down a potentially wonderful yoga teaching position because it was too far away. Sometimes it feels like life is disintegrating beneath me. This web that I have carefully crafted with all my planning and routines and consistency fails to hold me up sometimes. And this is called entropy.

Entropy is the natural chaos of the world. There are times that are more chaotic than others, but it always exists. Entropy is when--no matter how clean you get your house--it always regresses into its cluttered and disassembled state. Dust always accumulates. Those little "dust bunnies" of cat fur entangle themselves in countless balls in countless corners and in places you would never imagine. Even if you sweep every day, there's always something to sweep.

I am a very tidy person. I like everything to be in its place. I've always been this way. And I am this way about my life as well. I compartmentalize, organize, write out schedules, map out days by the hour. I am this way emotionally, too. If I get in an argument with a loved one, I will drill that problem down into the ground until it's dead. I know it's annoying for them...I keep bringing up the same problem over and over again, but it's because I have to. I can't sleep at night unless everything is settled.

Sometimes, though, because of the entropic nature of life, no matter how much planning, or cleaning or emotional digestion takes place, there's just no way to conquer it all, let alone conquer it gracefully.

What to do on these days? In these weeks? In the years that never seem to settle? Well, there's nothing to do. It helps to remember sometimes that we are not human-doings, we are human beings. We don't need to do. We need to be, and it is the way that we are that really matters. Walking into the office this morning my mind wondered off and started ticking off all the crappy things going on. "I haven't even gotten to yoga class in 2 weeks" I said to myself. And then I took a deep breathe, decided to be in a good mood and be grateful anyway, and reminded myself: "let this be my yoga".

We can always pick ourselves up from dark places, but it takes an uncanny sense of humor to do so. You must look at the web you've created, and instead of seeing all the holes, look at the light shining through.