Driving to teach I was still wondering about my mood (I tend to psychoanalyze myself I've realized...during such introspection...). I came up short of any logical explanation, and so I just drove. The frost heaves and pot holes that have developed seemingly out of nowhere due to the expand-contract-expand-contract indecisiveness of the weather, annoyed me more than usual. I need to get my cars alignment checked after all this turbulence.
I got to my class, said hello, laid down my mat, got some music going. I didn't bother pasting on a smile. After all, being a yoga teacher is about being authentic. I'm entitled to feel the ebb and flow of life. I might practice yoga, but I still feel blue sometimes. Actually, I think I often feel more good AND bad because I do yoga. I'm open. I just feel more.
So I sat on my mat and started class. The moment we started a sense of calm washed over me. Maybe it was because I was simply on my mat. But I think the truth is that by leading class this morning, I was supporting my own well-being, and being supported by my students. Seeing their familiar faces, eyes closed in meditation, shoulders sliding down the back, crown reaching tall...I felt that not only was I there for them, creating this space where they can unfold and lay down their burdens if only for an hour, but they were there for me, holding this space.
I began to feel lighter and brightened as the class went on. Whatever it was that had been bothering me seemed to slide in layers to the floor. By the end of class, I felt like myself again. Renewed and restored to my buoyant, resilient self. I couldn't believe that my students were thanking ME.
This is for my students who show up for class even when their life is pulling them in so many different directions. I hope they understand each time they show up they are not only holding space and helping themselves, but holding space for each other and for me as the teacher. Together we are building a community that can lift spirits.
